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Miss Behave
Virgin
Joined: 16 Dec 2009
Posts: 1
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 Posted: 12/22/2009 Post subject: |
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@SoftButchDomme
Hey, I'm also quite new to this, but for what it's worth, this is my advice:
Read, read, then read some more. Watch and learn. Find a mentor if you can. When you feel there is nothing left to learn, hang your whip and walk away...
Listen to your sub. Learn about her fetishes and her limits. Ask her what she needs and expects out of her submission. Know how she is feeling, all the time. You can do this by asking her to write a journal, have some time apart every day to talk about feelings, etc. Observe her. Sometimes she won't say things out loud. Is she being bratty or defiant? Does she seem more confident after her submission, or less?
Listen to yourself. Find your own needs and limits. Do not compromise or settle for less.
Always be yourself. For this, you need to get to know yourself. Find your style. Are you strict and into discipline, or easy going and more into sensual play? More into humiliation rather than pain? Do enjoy mindfucks and interrogation or physical torture? (Note that you may enjoy both, one more than the other, neither!) Ask yourself as many questions as you can. Be honest with yourself. Love yourself.
Be reasonable and realistic in what you expect from your sub, and what you expect from yourself. Be forgiving. Once the punishment is over, the issue is out. Don't hold grudges. And be patient. It might take her a while to get there.
Never forget aftercare. Sometime it's needed even a few days after. Take care of yourself too. Beware of "Top-drop", when you feel bad or guilty about doing "wrong" to someone you care about, even when that is what they want, even if you are making them happy. Many subs are not aware that you need aftercare too.
Look for the subs that want to get to know you, that have a true desire to please you. There will be some who are just looking for cheap thrills or to get their fantasies fulfilled without caring about yours. Ignore them. There is a sub for you out there.
That's all I can think of right now. Hope that helps 
Good luck!
Miss Behave |
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Alexandra_M
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 1372
Location: East of the Moon
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| Posted: 1/21/2009 Post subject: |
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Thank you, I look forward to it.
Alexa
_________________
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
Leonardo Da Vinci |
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Ring
Up and Comer
Joined: 11 Mar 2006
Posts: 31
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| Posted: 1/20/2009 Post subject: |
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| Alexandra_M wrote: |
If I may, is the ring in your avi from Gearessentials?
Warm Regards
Alexa |
Acutally, I found it at eXtreme restraints. I prefer the wider rings. I hope to spend a little more time here so perhaps we'll bump into one another again. |
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Gearjammer
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Posts: 106
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| Posted: 1/15/2009 Post subject: |
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| JustNathan wrote: |
chuckles
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Choosing this to respond, since the other one was long and I didn't want to fool with it.
Welcome back, belated as it may be. |
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Alexandra_M
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 1372
Location: East of the Moon
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| Posted: 1/15/2009 Post subject: |
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Welcome Ring,
once again. I do hope we see you around more often!
If I may, is the ring in your avi from Gearessentials?
Warm Regards
Alexa
_________________
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
Leonardo Da Vinci |
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Ring
Up and Comer
Joined: 11 Mar 2006
Posts: 31
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| Posted: 1/13/2009 Post subject: |
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| Alexandra_M wrote: |
Ramarkable is the fact that this is the first time I have noticed you. Welcome and have fun.
Alexa |
Yeah, I kinda sneak around and surprise ppl. You can usually find me "hanging" around the fetish threads.
Nice to meet you. |
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lovemymistress
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 22 Oct 2008
Posts: 228
Location: NY
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| Posted: 12/23/2008 Post subject: |
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| stu_ful wrote: |
This is why I suck at being a Domme. I hate having to act sane.
Also one of the best indicators of how well you're doing as a Domme/Dom is your sub. A happy sub is the sign of a good Dom ... or an indication that they've done something that they'll be punished for later. heheheh |
That was funny but True Stu!!
LMM |
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stu_ful
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 656
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| Posted: 12/12/2008 Post subject: |
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This is why I suck at being a Domme. I hate having to act sane.
Also one of the best indicators of how well you're doing as a Domme/Dom is your sub. A happy sub is the sign of a good Dom ... or an indication that they've done something that they'll be punished for later. heheheh |
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cindy
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 1541
Location: down the county...
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| Posted: 12/12/2008 Post subject: Re: New Domme |
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| SoftButchDomme wrote: |
Hello All,
I am new to this forum and new to BDSM. I am a 28 yr old lesbian. I am looking for a sub. But until i find her, I am looking for pointers to help me be the best domme I can be. Any advice? |
I am sure she felt invisible after she left this thread. I am sorry I wasn't here, and I don't know how long I will be. But for now I am.
To be the best Domme you can, my advice would be to just be yourself. People into BDSM are people just like anyone else. Try to find a munch in your area. That is easy to find on the internet. Get educated about the lifestyle. As Nathan said, there are tons of books out there about the subject, as well as websites. The more educated you are about anything gives you a better understanding anyway, right?
It is just like any relationship. Or what any relationship should be like. Whether you are in the lifestyle or not. If your partner feels safe, and knows that she is in good hands with you and fully trusts you, then that is the ultimate.
Communication is the key to those things. Knowing what she wants to do, wants to try, that she maybe wants to try, or has no interest in trying at all are good starters before doing anything. Contracts would probably be a good idea as well.
Whatever the case, being safe, sane and consensual is the key.
_________________
Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.
~ O Magazine |
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gabriella_raye
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 353
Location: U.S.A.
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| Posted: 12/11/2008 Post subject: |
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| stu_ful wrote: |
| Alexandra_M wrote: |
Yes, Ring please feel free to eve start a new topic if you have something you care to discuss. We do have our serious moments and will give you an honest opinion.
Ramarkable is the fact that this is the first time I have noticed you. Welcome and have fun.
Alexa |
I object. I have as of yet to have a serious moment and all my opinions are biased and therefore inheritantly dishonest.  |
lmao
wait, this is me getting off topic again
we are serious
sometimes |
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gabriella_raye
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Posts: 353
Location: U.S.A.
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| Posted: 12/11/2008 Post subject: |
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| :) |
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stu_ful
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Posts: 656
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| Posted: 12/11/2008 Post subject: |
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| Alexandra_M wrote: |
Yes, Ring please feel free to eve start a new topic if you have something you care to discuss. We do have our serious moments and will give you an honest opinion.
Ramarkable is the fact that this is the first time I have noticed you. Welcome and have fun.
Alexa |
I object. I have as of yet to have a serious moment and all my opinions are biased and therefore inheritantly dishonest. |
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Alexandra_M
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 1372
Location: East of the Moon
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| Posted: 12/11/2008 Post subject: |
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Yes, Ring please feel free to eve start a new topic if you have something you care to discuss. We do have our serious moments and will give you an honest opinion.
Ramarkable is the fact that this is the first time I have noticed you. Welcome and have fun.
Alexa
_________________
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
Leonardo Da Vinci |
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JustNathan
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 312
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| Posted: 12/10/2008 Post subject: Re: ??????????? |
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| Ring wrote: |
| Hmm, another thread that went off track. Seems I've stumbled on to a pattern. |
This 'pattern' took you 2 years to stumble across?
There are quite a few of us here who feel as though we 'know' each other, and we are comfortable with cross-subject banter within threads. This is by no means intended to be intimidating or is it a direct intention to derail subjects being discussed. It's just a fact of life, particularly when others hop in and 'start new conversations', just as you have here.
Anyone is welcome to return to thread subjects at any time. Considering this was essentially a 'dead' thread - initial poster only made one post (ever), received one reply in the first month, one in the second month, then my reply 3 months later - which coincided with my return to the boards, it's not exactly surprising a couple of people welcomed me back and the thread bounced around from there... as have others.
Ring, if you have something to add to the thread subject, please feel free. I'm sure I'm not alone in reassuring you that we'd be happy to discuss it further.
_________________
My stories: http://www.lustylibrary.com/Sex_Story/Li... |
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erotic section
Lusty Librarian's Pet
Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Posts: 2383
Location: In the eye of the storm
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| Posted: 12/10/2008 Post subject: Re: ??????????? |
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| Ring wrote: |
| Hmm, another thread that went off track. Seems I've stumbled on to a pattern. |
Feel free to redirect, Ring.
_________________
There is nothing harder than the softness of indifference. Clare Boothe Luce |
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