| Lesbian: First Time: A Test of Faith - Part Five (5/9) |
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me on my cell if you need me.” With that, I strode out of the room, with Eva’s cries of “Jess!” still ringing in my ears. Back in my office, I laid my head in my hands. A spy. A god damned fucking spy. That’s all she’d been doing all this time. Spying. She’d said she loved me. Was that a lie, too? Probably. Yes, I thought. She could’ve gotten the information easily from one of the files I kept at home. She could’ve snuck out of bed anytime during the night while I was asleep. How could I have been so stupid? I should’ve known that the innocence in her eyes was nothing but a show. I should’ve known… But I hadn’t. She’d made me love her, made me fall into her trap just to get what she wanted. The first tear fell onto the desk and I shook myself. I needed to get away, from her, from everything. I needed to leave. My heart felt like a stone, sitting heavily in my chest as I made for the door. I signed the leave forms that I asked Marie for, trying to disguise the fact that I was crying. Then, ignoring the bright flashes of lights from the police cars outside, I drove off. * I awoke to the sound of waves crashing against the seashore. Dazedly, I looked around, spotting some early morning joggers looking at me curiously. The half-empty bottle of Vodka sat next to me and I reached for it and tilted it to my lips. ‘Drunk again,’ I thought to myself. It had been the fifth consecutive night that I’d spent on the sand after passing out from too much alcohol. It seemed to be the only solution to what plagued me these days. When I drank, I forgot about her and that was what I wanted. So I drank – bottles of ancient Scotch, Brandy, but my favorite was Vodka. Nothing like a little V-hit to make you forget old times. “Lo ho mancato,” I heard behind me and turned. There was a couple, a guy and a girl, sitting on top of a rock, their faces so close together that a paper couldn’t fit between them. I groaned in disgust, and then got up to leave. I’d been in Italy for more than a month now, just driving from place to place with no destination to speak of. It was a week ago that I’d ended up in Sorrento and had taken a liking to the beach. It was so relaxing and cool during the nights…so in contrast to how I felt inside. She haunted me like never before. I tried not to think about her, but it was no use. Even in my dreams, she came to me, crying my name as I left her. I usually woke up drenched in sweat and drank myself back to sleep after that. It was a pitiful existence, I knew, but there was not much else I could do. Everything in me was in pieces; shattered, broken pieces. I struggled to my feet and staggered toward the hotel that I was staying in. It was somewhere near the beach, I knew, but when I finally got there, I felt like I’d walked for hours. Moreover, my bottle was empty. I plunked onto a seat in the near-empty hotel restaurant and |
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amazing story
