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Being at the age of 30, heading one of the biggest and famous IT firms in the country, Michael Brendon was feeling empty inside. He worked 14 hours a day, most of the time carrying his work to his house. Completely lost track of his friends and not in contact with his family, his work took most of his time away from social interaction and enjoyment. He is about 6 feet 2 inches with a well-maintained and muscular body, a narrow pointed roman chin, powerful blue eyes, in short an absolute stunner but no girlfriend!! He broke with his ex more than a year back and has not been seeing anyone much, as all his time was immersed in work. On a sunny Thursday morning, as Michael was going through his mails, his Boss Mr. Fedler, aged 52 years, stomped into his room, threw down a file at him with an angry face. "What's this, Michael?" he asked, pointing at the file. The entire office was paying attention to the loud voice in his room. Michael, being stunned at the sudden interruption by his boss, bent down to pick up the scattered papers and was wondering what did he screw up this time.
He began to say, "Ah... Mr. Fedler… Eh… I am not sure what…" He was interrupted with loud laughter from his boss, who winked at him. Mr. Fedler went out towards the working floor calling Michael to come out of his cabin. In his loud voice he addressed his employees.
"Dear employees, we have got the contract for working with the government on IT solutions for their new project, thanks to the extraordinary work of Mr. Michael. It is because of him that we have got this project."
On hearing this everyone clapped and there were joyous faces everywhere. Michael was surprised and excited about the happy news from his boss. Mr. Fedler, smiling at Michael, said, "For this happy occasion I am throwing a party at my guest house this Saturday evening. Everyone is invited and you, Mr. Michael, should be there for sure." He said to his employees, "See you all at 8.00 pm on Saturday and now please get back to work." He walked away to his cabin.
Michael was filled with happiness but was also a little sad, as he did not have anyone to share the happy news with. But he was looking forward to meeting someone at the party, someone he had seen 4 years back, someone who had mesmerized him with her lusty green eyes, with her slender legs, curvy waist, luscious innocent lips, beautiful smooth sandy hair, tender bouncy tits... Damn!! Thinking about her already gave him a hard-on. The very moment he shook his head telling himself to stop thinking about her. 'She is your boss's daughter!!' Saturday evening arrived did arrive soon! Michael dressed the best he can in a beautiful black tux, spraying himself with a masculine perfume, polished neat shoes. He reached the guest house and was taken back by the huge luxurious bungalow, its garden, swimming pool, fountains and the decorations. Mr. Fedler saw him far and immediately came to welcome him. But Michael's eyes were already screening the place, looking out for her or anything that might resemble her. Mr. Fedler went around introducing Michael to everyone, even their company's other clients had come. They all shook hands with him and were talking about the IT revolutions but Michael's eyes and thoughts were elsewhere. There were groups of ladies here and
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| stillpure |
Posted: 2010/1/19 16:43 Updated: 2010/1/19 16:43 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2008/1/12 From: NY Posts: 5962 |
 ... You had a good idea here, but the feeling didn't flow. As I read the first paragraph,
I had the feeling there was going to be a love element. As the story progressed,
however, the mood become more lusty, and then it would switch on and off from
sweet flirting to lusty seduction. Then it ended with the "I love you's," returning
to the love element. Also, there were grammar errors, as mentioned above me.
I think this could have been a great story if both lust and romance were intermingled
intricately. Keep writing, because I think you will have good plots.
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| uptomischief |
Posted: 2010/1/19 1:12 Updated: 2010/1/19 1:12 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2009/9/19 From: Texas, USA Posts: 183 |
 Hoping to encourage Your story idea was a good one, the scenes were excellent and the overall effect
well done. However, from a reader view point the grammatical errors were a stumbling
block. The sentence structure confused me. Several times I re-read a sentence,
rearranging the words you used and the result of impact increased. I encourage
you to continue writing. Yet, practice the art of proof reading each sentence
and paragraph for proper flow and inflection of intent to the reader. I believe
you have talent and look forward to seeing it blossom here.
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