I loved your story----especially the beginning! Spooning from behind is amazing!

Frisco... I gave you a '3', because of your effort to deliver a sexy tale and you DID! Everyone makes a few minor errors while writing erotic stories! Mainly because... excitement begins to flow through the author's mind and causes our mind and fingers to seperate!! Ignore the critics and sing your own song! Nice Job !! Luv2

This was such a sweet story. My fiance and I are like that a lot in a way. No matter how much we fight/argue through the day, we don't go to bed angry with each other. And this is like something that happened to us a while back, so I could definitely relate with it. Good job. =)

I agree with Shy2Start. The story started off very well, I think both male & females love that feeling of 'Spooning' to start off with. Great mental images. Keep up the writing man Erewon

I love it when my guy wraps himself around me from behind, like you did in the beginning of your story. Gives me a chance to let my body melt into his, and also affords him the opportunity to touch pretty much anywhere he wants! Oooh-la-la.

I think it's very helpful, not only to the author but to anyone who likes to write but is not too great at it. It teaches you how to be a better writer. I thought it was helpful. And sorry for the double post...

I think it's very helpful, not only to the author but to anyone who likes to write but is not too great at it. It teaches you how to be a better writer.

... am I the only person who finds this "constructive criticism" patronising, overbearing and a tad offensive? Could this not have been done privately, does it really need such a public airing? May I suggest the use of Google to research the term Double Match and the reference of the date 20072007 as a lucky or auspicious day. I will not make comment about your writing Nathan as I do not consider this to be the place for it, even if you do. My advice to you Frisco is to keep writing, for your own and other's enjoyment, and look for another critic for your future efforts. Bear in mind the words of Sibelius: "Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!" Shy x

Am I the only person who finds this "constructive criticism" patronising, overbearing and a tad offensive? Could this not have been done privately, does it really need such a public airing? May I suggest the use of Google to research the term Double Match and the reference of the date 20072007 as a lucky or auspicious day. I will not make comment about your writing Nathan as I do not consider this to be the place for it, even if you do. My advice to you Frisco is to keep writing, for your own and other's enjoyment, and look for another critic for your future efforts. Bear in mind the words of Sibelius: "Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!" Shy x

I am going to try to be constructive in my criticism of this piece. Some time ago frisco sent this to me and I failed him in that I didn't edit it for him. I 'did' have computer issues, but this work proved to be too challenging to edit. When editing, if I ever do edit, I expect the sentences to have meaning and purpose, and for repetition to have been minimised, 'before' receiving the work to edit. It is 'too hard' to rewrite the work, and then say I edited it. I would have needed to rewrite this work. As an example, take the first line. This is the 'hook'. The part of the story that is supposed to grab the attention of the reader. "Days and years come and go but it was “20/07” “2007” or “double match”, a supposedly very auspicious day." Why was it auspicious? Where are we? In what country is it auspicious? Is there some meaning behind it, that is relevant? And if so, why isn't it mentioned again? I have never heard it called 'double match', ever. It's the kind of thing that catches the curiousity of children, which might have been a better way to introduce the 'when', rather than calling it auspicious and never telling us why. As a 'hook' it doesn't work. Some stuff is anatomically incorrect. The 'clit' is NOT deep inside the vagina. Never has been. Also, there is too much repetition of phrasing. Take, "started". You 'started' doing things about 10 times during this story. This is too many. Also there are too many 'run ons'. This is where you keep adding things to a sentence, using 'and' or 'then', or 'and now', which is just strange. Remember, your reader is there, watching you. They are trying to be involved in the story in some way. You are not a doctor, ie. no need to say, 'Now I touch her'. They are expecting that. 'I caressed her skin lightly' explains what they are seeing with much more clarity. Try to describe the 'how', and not just the 'what'. Finally, let me say that this is better that your last work, but you need to keep at it, and keep learning. Writing really well takes time to learn and develop. I look back at my first stories and I'm not proud of their quality. Over time, I wrote and wrote, and eventually arrived at a place where most people like how I write, if not all liking my content rofl. But yeah, being enthusiastic about it is half the race won already. So keep at it.