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| **teach** |
Posted: 2010/1/9 9:20 Updated: 2010/1/9 9:20 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2007/5/19 From: In the night sky Posts: 2010 |
 hmmmmmm good first attempt.... Let the above ppl... Take your time. One paragraph made
me feel i had to read it fast. Slow down... write again though.
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| tendertouch |
Posted: 2010/1/6 20:12 Updated: 2010/1/6 20:12 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2009/9/24 From: Historical home in the middle of college row. Posts: 391 |
 sparks I agree with Luv2, but then again what do I know I haven't had anything published.
Just wanted to say there are sparks, could be a fire in the future. Kudos on
your first one.
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| erotic section |
Posted: 2010/1/6 19:55 Updated: 2010/1/6 19:55 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2006/7/16 From: Posts: 2439 |
 Ohhh... I like the visual;-) It would have been nice to understand the relationship better,
but as the reader I just assume these two are well known lovers:)
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| Luv2 |
Posted: 2010/1/6 11:27 Updated: 2010/1/6 11:27 |
Lusty Librarian's Pet   Joined: 2007/4/7 From: Fading into the western sunset... Posts: 5739 |
 Hard to follow?? MyMate? You had a nice story idea, But? The lack of 'spacing', made it hard to
read. Take your time, give more details and 'Proof read' your next story, before
you submit it! You'll do fine, just hang in there? ~~Luv2
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