| Straight: True Stories: A Close Look at Blind Dating |
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I was a little nervous. My blind date was waiting for me and I had driven a brief 15 to 20 minutes to meet her. There wasn’t any real reason to be worried, after all she sounded nice on the telephone and she had told me all about herself. Her name was Janice. She was a redhead, how enticing, a fiery redhead. She enjoyed music and played guitar. How many great songs could we make together. She had her own place and the same job for 5 years. And now we would meet. My heart pounded as I rounded the last turn to meet the girl of my dreams. There at the bus stop stood an arguably feminine creature of remarkable stature and girth. Her hair was red alright, only the word “red” fell short of describing this color known not to any artist’s pallet or flower on Earth. No, this red conjured up images of road flares and rocket exhaust leaving fire engines and even Rudolph himself to pale in comparison. She was as tall as a tree and far wider in the middle than at either end. I found my foot applying pressure to the brake and before I could correct this horrific action my vehicle had come to rest and she who would be etched most unwillingly into my memory as the “Bozo Bigfoot” was hunching her way into the cab of my truck. The passenger compartment of my Dodge Ram Pickup was the largest available at the time and yet the seat belt could not encompass her ample trunk. She held it nonchalantly in place a full six inches shy of its intended destination. She had Marty Feldman eyes that starred back at me like two jumbo eggs barely contained by their sockets. Her expression could only be described as stunned, probably because I was the first to actually stop. And so I went where no man had gone before to a small diner a short distance away. Jennibozosquatch alternated between slurping at her coffee and chain smoking with an impressive suction which drew her face in and making those oversized orbs seem even more so. I drew stares from the restaurant staff like this was an episode of the Twilight Zone and I must escape now or be forever imprisoned in this netherworld of freaks and fantastic outcomes. Still I saw it through. I made the small talk paid the check and reluctantly escorted my date to my vehicle in broad daylight. Always a gentleman, I opened the door for her and as she entered what had seemed until this day the ample cab of my truck, to my horror I witnessed hair on her ankles matched only by that of orangutans, perhaps her not so distant cousins. Blind date blind date Is this my fate Not knowing where my heart is going Who will I meet Will they have great big feet And hair from their nostrils a flowing Will I know the reason Love is never in season And all of my fears come true Why must my suitors Need etiquette tutors And look like they belong in a zoo Oh Lord bring to me The one that I see In my dreams and in couples so happy All the joy I have missed And so I persist Why is my love life so crappy Sound familiar? Welcome to the wonderful world of Blind Dating! I believe that most of us long for meaningful companionship. While companionship itself is abundant, productive rewarding matches would seem few and far between. In the pages that follow I will share my blind dating history and provide insight into interpersonal relationships between men and women so as to provide effective guidelines for reaching the goals of successfully navigating the maze that is blind dating and to shed insight into men, women, and how we interact. Chapter I The Blind Date We have come a long way since the first blind date, which presumably was an arranged marriage. Such pairings were permanent but had the advantage of some intended benefit, financial or social gain for instance. Next we have the mail order bride, (don’t often hear of mail order husbands), once again someone is getting what they want or need such as a way out of an impoverished environment or a positive contribution to a household. I now say that the difference between the old and the new is that the traditional methods (still in existence today by the way), involve gains and or goals apart from love and romance, the cornerstones of the current blind date. Today in the world of immediate gratification daters are looking for the following; 1. True Love 2. Companionship / recreation 3. Sex One’s dating strategy should reflect the desired outcome. Contrary to most men’s thinking saying that you are a sexual dynamo does not turn women’s hearts, but their stomachs instead. Conversely, telling a man you will love him always might send him into a bout of erectile dysfunction. For the purposes of this chapter we will focus on blind dating such as personal ads and Internet sights or dating services. This is where men and women post personal information or “profiles” in order to attract partners for fun or for love. Keep in mind that The odds are against you. Many people experience extreme disappointment over their efforts to make a connection with a new partner. One must be careful not to invest too much emotion into such new partners or the process of meeting them. I cannot stress this enough. Premature emotional investment can only lead to swift disappointment and even depression and despair. So we have rule number one. 1. Treat blind dating as a task with an important goal as the intended outcome. Consider the possible outcomes; 1. No match. You don’t like one another. 2. ½ match = no match. You reject your date. 3. ½ match = no match. You are rejected. 4. False match. One that doesn’t last. 5. True match. Based on only the most basic of possibilities there is only a one in five chance of meeting someone who is your match. Keep in mind there are infinite factors involved that could be deal breakers. When compared to the potentially positive factors this is most certainly a game for the persistent among us. The point is that a balanced approach must be taken especially when working toward the goal of love and or romance. Proceed rationally before investing emotion. Treat your emotions as you would money. Do not give them to strangers or those who promise too much. Do not spend them all at once. Do not continue to spend them when and where you get no return on your investment. Sounds simple but it happens every day and to each of us at some point. Many of us would write a profile that says; “Looking for my one true love. I offer my heart to the right one. Is this you?” Not so many of us would place the following ad; “Looking for the perfect investment. I offer everything I own for the right deal. Will you take my money and promise me you wont spend it all?” And still we persist. The number of people seeking matches with those they have never met continues to rise as does the number of outlets where such matches are made. This increase is a function of just how great the rewards can be and the desire to fulfill such goals in short order. We all know and see happy couples and who wouldn’t want the same for themselves. All of this in the face of disastrous outcomes represented by the alarming rate of divorce, domestic violence, and all of those poor souls displayed on television shows such as Jerry Springer and court T.V. programs too numerous to mention where the topic almost always involves a paternity test. One of the defining characteristics of human nature and behavior is the tendency to remember bad things. We are hard wired to recall harmful events and situations. “Once burnt, twice shy.” the saying goes. A dog bite, a fall from some height and so on result in vivid memory lessons which guard us and guide us through life. Yet here we have a glaring discrepancy where despite all odds we return to harmful, painful, situations only to have our hearts broken over and over again. This is not rational or instinctive behavior. This is addiction. Internet dating sights owe much of their success to their addictive nature. The most addictive situations involve an accessible process and an unattainable reward. As humans we become caught up in the process of chasing the elusive goal without regard to the obvious flaws in the methods used or the numerous undesirable outcomes. I have just described drug addiction, and at its root all addiction is the same. When you know it’s bad and you do it anyway, addiction cannot be far. This is not to say that blind dating is bad. This does demonstrate the point that blind dating requires a clear head and purposeful execution in order to be successful. Here’s how to avoid the negative aspects and get the most from your efforts. 1. Make a goal and stick to it. Choose the desired outcome, love, fun, spiritual interaction, and work towards this goal. 2. Only accept a true match. Do not give in to distractions or settle for less than your match. 3. Be clear in defining the traits your match will have. Body type, financial status, education, occupation, and so on will help you get where you want to be. 4. Time. Remember that these things take time. Few things that come quickly are worthwhile in the long run. In review, we go on blind dates because there is some reward or pay off. Indeed we are no longer limited by our circle of friends and associates and can now interact with people the world over. Dating itself and especially internet sights can be addictive. Doesn’t your heart race when the little envelope pops up telling you that you have received a message? Keep in mind that this is a process, treat it like a task with a beginning and end. Set a long term goal and stick to it. No room for error here. This is for you romantics as the steaks are much higher for you. No matter what your long term goal, never except less. Define your match and do not accept less. If you want a Dr. don’t date an astronaut. A balanced approach will allow you all the flexibility that you will need. In other words build a little wiggle room into your goals so you never have to stray from them. If you over define the traits of your ideal mate, chances are you won’t find a match. Instead of “6’1” with blond hair and green eyes, athletic build, millionaire with helicopter, and multi million dollar home in Hawaii”, try “Tall, with light hair and eyes, physically fit, financially stable, lives in tropical climate.” Give yourself time to attain your goals. Also please, please, please, take time to get to know your match. Anybody can be nice for a short time. Your first encounter should be more like an interview. You are the boss of you and your life. Ask questions and observe the demeanor of your new employee. You are offering a very high wage, your friendship, or even your heart. Shouldn’t your match pass each test easily? |
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