Copyright 2009 Lusty Library. All Rights Reserved http://www.lustylibrary.com en-us Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:00:01 -0500 webmaster@lustylibrary.com (TheLustyLibrarian) Straight:Humor/Satire http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Miss-November_8351 Straight:Humor/Satire Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:01:00 -0400
Lenny Spodnik was relatively certain that sex was everything. Of course, he rarely had an opportunity to put this theory into practice, but if the chance ever arose, Lenny was certain that he would prove himself a sexual dynamo. In fact, Lenny couldn't even imagine why he never could find the perfect woman. All the jerks in the world who have women all over them, Lenny thought, and I can't get even one!In the meantime, Lenny dreamed. And dreamed. He sent a photo of himself (and a fairly witty ad) to a local singles' magazine, imagining that the replies would storm in. He spent most of his spare time at the local singles bar, waiting for that one night when the cosmos would be in harmony and Ms. Right would come along. The only people Lenny ever encountered through these social avenues, though, were people just as desperate as he, who had little to offer Lenny except their desperation. Darn my bad luck, he thought.While Lenny waited for the cosmos to get in step, he periodically thumbed through old issues of his favorite girlie magazine. He had been nuts over this periodical, ever since an old edition that his dad had left lying around caught his eye. In fact, it was that one edition of his dad's that was the impetus for Lenny's vast fantasy life. Lenny had taken one look at this centerfold (the year having long since been torn away) named Janet, and Lenny succumbed forever to the wild ...

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My mom is a slut.What do you expect of the Goddess of "Love" anyway? Granted, she's pretty hot for a woman her age, but, really - how about a few standards there, lady? (And if I told you exactly how old that is, she'd have my head on a platter. Yes. THAT head.) But no. Instead, she's more than willing to fuck anything with a Y chromosome. No wonder Vulcan left her for one of Vesta's ex-devotees. At least with a former temple virgin, he had a chance to go where no man had gone before. Or was that come where no man ha... whatever.Nice job, Mom.But she's not why I'm here.Well, OK. She IS why I'm here. If it wasn't for Mom's insecurities, I would never have met Psyche in the first place. I'm sure you've heard about at least a few of my mother's escapades. Just ask any of the other Immortals. They'll tell you that when it comes to her beauty and sex appeal, Venus doesn't have issues - she has a fucking subscription. Mere rumors of mortal competition are enough to drive her to acts of vengeful jealousy. Since she also happens to be the Goddess of Beauty, Mom usually takes care of these things herself by afflicting the poor girl with a nasty case of acne or cellulite, but I guess she felt that Psyche could still pose a threat ...

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As she sat back, his cock slid into her.
He moaned and called out, “Oh god, Twanna!”
Overwhelmed by the sensation, he leaned his head against the tall back of the overstuffed chair under him. It hurt; it felt like paradise. She sat on him so slowly that sweat broke out on his forehead. He was hyper-aware of every fraction of an inch of his length that got drawn deeper into her. He held her hips, but he did not pull or urge her to go faster, nor did he thrust. Once she had taken all of him in, her fleshy ass rested in his lap. The sight of the twin brown globes between his hands snatched the air from his lungs and left him panting.
She stilled a moment with her back to him, her legs folded and planted on either side of his to brace her weight. Her long dreadlocks cascaded over her shoulders and blocked his view of her back. He swept them to one side and ran a hand down her dark skin. He loved her skin: so smooth, so soft. He leaned forward to kiss her and ran his tongue up her spine. The experience was so intense he wanted to bite her, but the arch of her back disallowed it. Instead, he pressed his nose against the muscles splayed before him and slid his hands around to her breasts while he inhaled. Under the cover of the tropical smells of the lotion he’d ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Night-of-the-Vagina-Pineapple_6605 Straight:Humor/Satire Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:16:23 -0400
The bell strikes and I see the globs of red splash and spread across the bottom of the sink below me. Next an ear and then the tip of a crimson nose fall and make a loud plop in the water. What strange and gruesome noises and images to break the barrier between midnight and Halloween? Hell no, just trying to get this damn clown makeup off before the next show. “My god, I look like hell,” as I look in the makeup room mirror. My clown makeup is running and I am covered in this sticky juice (I’ll get to the juice part later). I remove the remaining makeup, strip off my clown shirt, and wash my face and bare chest. I feel better but still feel the pineapple on my skin.“Hell of a way to spend Halloween,” I say to myself as I look down and see that I still have the biggest hard on of my life. It feels so hard I think it might break if I touch it.My stage name is Jack and I am a killer clown in a major theme park show on the night of Halloween. I won’t say what park. It might get me fired from this sweet little gig I call a job. Let’s be real- I may be an evil clown but even an evil clown still needs a job. I’ll just say it has a name with universal ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Priest-Erotica:-Not-For-the-Faint-of-Heart_6361 Straight:Humor/Satire Tue, 23 Oct 2007 11:01:36 -0400
Catherine d’Arteille rested her knees at the padded booth where she was to make confession. “Bless me father, for I have sinned, and it has been a week since my last confession.”
The man’s ghostly silhouette sat behind the netted metal breathing heavily through the bars. “Child, it has been long since your last confessional, why did you not suffer to come?”
“Mass father, is not a light thing, I ken. Prithee, forgive me, I slept through the last; a heavy mistake, surely.”
What she said was sincere, but she sounded hardly repentant. While she said, her eyes snaked about looking for any nearby listeners. None but another woman was in the church, and she lay sleeping in the pew.
“Father, I long for…the release.” She added, a little seductively. “My mind has wandered some, I need shepherding good priest. Hailing Mary is hardly the punishment for me. Her purity would be wounded by my thoughts, which are sinful. Prithee…your private blessings would effectively relieve me of them?”
The man behind the bars was silent, considering. “There are no other children awaiting for my attentions, Madame d’Arteille?”
She smiled and whispered a purring, “None but me.”
She could tell his voice had gotten deeper, more intimate. He gathered himself, and opened the door to the confessional, and for the first time that day she could see his familiar face. Dark brown eyes, pale cheeks, baby smooth as always, his jaw narrowing to a cunning jut ...

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Lowell followed the line of the trees flying past the car, as the car sped fast along the black curving road. Jonathan had basically kidnapped her, shagged her in the car, and then stole away to the beach some 500 miles away from their house. It all started with a little argument, and some words were tossed around and some I hate you’s and a smashed plate…and then fine, FINE makeup sex. This was the life. How everything just rolled past them…all of the harsh reality of their lives suddenly light and not very important. Things were better after good sex.
She felt glowing in the sun that flickered over their heads and flirted with the car paint…flashing red and gold. Their top was down, and Lowell had ripped her top off for a second. No one was on the road! Why not? Suddenly Lowell got a mischievous idea. She reached over to J’s pants and unzipped him. Out popped a fat cock, so relaxed in the breeze…flopping free. She just wanted it to be stiff and leaking for her. It lay there twitching at her scrutiny. Jonathan was surprised. What was she doing? He was trying to drive! She went down on him. It was a complete shock. Jonathan almost pulled over…but instead he sped up and wheeled around the corner.
First she lay down, positioning his free hand over her bare breast, her nipple firmly rolling between his one eager hand. She took her cherry blossom mouth, pink ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Unappealing-Story_6070 Straight:Humor/Satire Wed, 12 Sep 2007 17:15:52 -0400
The woman was sprawled in the middle of the lane. Peter Sheperd had to slam the brakes on to avoid running her over. The car stopped with a screech. He cried out with relieve and stared at his trembling hands. Then he thought that there was probably no difference if he had run her over or not. The woman seemed to be dead already. She was lying motionless on her side, her legs wide apart in an unnatural position. Dark blond lock of hair was hanging over the left part of her face. Peter fixed his gaze on her, trying to see some sign of life in her. There was none. For a brief moment he considered leaving her there and just heading home. The thought dissolved in these thoughts that followed. He reluctantly opened the door and got out of the car. His knees were surprisingly stiff, his feet felt as if made of rubber. He took a deep breath and walked to the body. There wasn’t much blood. In fact, as much as he could see, only her left thigh was smeared with dried blood. Her eyes were partially closed, as if she was lost in reverie. The unnatural paleness of her face could not hide her beauty. She was very young, maybe in her early twenties. Peter wondered what she had been doing in this wilderness. Then, he saw her ruined bike in the ditch and sighed. His eyes were drawn by her long shapely legs. They ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/That-Damned-Cat_5299 Straight:Humor/Satire Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:59:24 -0400
It wasn't my fault. It was the damned cat. This is the story of how one little diabolical bit of fluff can ruin a man's sex life. ---"Angel, please... god, please..."She wiggled out from under me like she was made of liquid, working the buttons on her blouse in the opposite direction. I watched with regret as she swiftly secured all the hard-earned territory that it had taken me twice the time to uncover."What if your dad comes home?" she whispered, looking up at me from under her straight blonde bangs, and hugging her arms under her breasts as if she were cold. I groaned as the full tops of her tits pressed upward and out, her nipples poking against her blouse. My cock was straining against denim and I shifted my hips so she couldn't possibly ignore how hard I was against her thigh. "I told you," I murmured, sliding my hand over the thin material and tweaking her nipple. She shuddered against me when I did that, her eyes half-closing in pleasure. "He's working late. He won't be home for hours.""Mark, no," she whispered as I worked the buttons again, trying to make up some of the ground I'd already lost. "Let's go..."Her mouth was saying no, but her body was saying yes and she moaned as I tongued her nipple right through her shirt and bra, flicking it again and again with my tongue. Her fingers ran through my hair, gripping my head as she wiggled and maneuvered ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/Confession-of-a-Slushie-Addict_5262 Straight:Humor/Satire Mon, 25 Jun 2007 15:03:23 -0400
Slushie = slurpee = squishee = kooler = icy sweet drink from the humming temple - a fountain machine.The bell rang above my head and the air conditioned air of the corner store enveloped my 6-2 body as I came looking for my slushie hit. Even in my shorts, sandals and white t-shirt the ten minute walk in the summer heat from my apartment and my girlfriend, Inga, had made me feel pretty beat. Yet, I still had that anticipation, a little quickening of my pulse, a spring in my step, and a lust in my heart.It was a hot summer in more than one way. Inga was a blonde Swedish girl I had met in my English class at the university. We were both in our late twenties and finishing off the last credits of our degrees. Because it was the summer we both had the afternoons off and because we were both extremely hot for each other, we spent those afternoons fucking each other’s brains out. Inga was almost as tall as me and athletic, a minx in bed, her braided pigtails whipped my body as she rode me day after day. For a girl taking university level English she still had that sexy Swedish accent that increased the pleasure of fucking her every which way. "Ya! Ya! Doo me Tom! Ya! Ya, ya, ya, ya!"The only way we weren't completely compatible was that when her grasping pussy took my ...

Get The Full Story At Lusty Library]]> http://www.lustylibrary.com/Stories/Straight/Humor-Satire/No-Smoking_4948 Straight:Humor/Satire Wed, 30 May 2007 12:01:28 -0400
For over a year now I have been seeing this young lady, age 48, my prime age requirement. The one problem that has made this relationship stuck in the mud is her smoking. I don’t and haven’t for 35 years. My last wife died of lung cancer, exacerbated by smoking although she had quit 10 years ago. Cancer is insidious and hangs around to get you when you least expect it. Jessica is a very well put together young lady. Tall 6’in her bare feet. Statuesque 40 DD. Not a small girl by any stretch of the imagination. One of those legs all the way to her ass types. She and I have had a somewhat adversarial relationship. She wants and is needy but somewhat of a Princess. I don’t do the Princess thing well and treat her with respect but if she gets in my face I return the favor. Make no mistake we like each other. We are or have not been intimate because she has this age thing going on. I am 17 years older than she. She called last week and asked if I would like to go to dinner. I hadn’t seen her for some time and we always had fun so it was an easy decision, hell yes. She wanted to try a new restaurant and I am up for anything, would eat a skunk if seasoned correctly. ...

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